It’s been some time since I’ve last spoke about my life so far. The last post was “Keeping In” in 2015, where I spoke about my (anticipated) shift to educational progress and, by extension, “life progress.” A lot has occurred since then. To not speak about it would be harmful to my consciousness. It’s beyond me who actually reads this but if you are — thanks, I suppose. It means a lot that you’d read this. At the same time, this provides me a medium to vent. Not to say that I don’t have other mediums or people to vent to.
If you’ve missed out on what I’ve said in the past, I’ve brought back my previous posts onto this blog (just hidden by default). To go in order, read “Dropping Out”, then read “Keeping In.”
I stayed on the up for the most part. I reconnected with a friend that I had in the past there (at this new school). There, I also befriended other people as well, even my teachers, which made my experience all the more nice. I was the first person to complete a whole credit during that school year, which I was pretty proud of at the time. I worked diligent, a fair amount. However, that didn’t stop my old patterns from returning.
It was a fair amount of time in that school by now. Roughly 4 months, maybe even less. However, I started getting into subjects that bored me beyond compare. I would start to pretend to do my work, replaying the old lessons. In reality I would watch the videos, but I’d have the audio muted and just listen to music in the background. The school’s firewall had YouTube and other music platforms blocked, but Google Play Music had slipped by, showing another case of “why you don’t use wildcards in restrictive firewalls”. I would use the free radio that it had and listen to whatever sounded nice, just watching life go by. It wasn’t a conventional boredom, it was the boredom that drained your will to do anything.
At this point, I had simply left. I didn’t have my mother write anything stating I was being voluntarily removed, I didn’t tell anyone about it. I had simply stopped attending. The worst case scenario was that they dropped me as a student. I wouldn’t receive any legal repercussions from doing so, nor would the action receive any negative byproducts. Depression had obviously set back in, I would remain secluded and the only outside contact had been my job (the first of many), my mother, my close friends, and my therapist.
My first job was interesting. Whether or not it was a conventional first job, I wouldn’t know. I had a fair time there, worked with my best friend, Chris (the one I went to PAX East 2015 with), which made the experience better. I did my job well and I’d say the pay was okay. But I left within the first month. It was opening week and it was too fast-paced. The store was filled with customers from opening at 9am to closing at 10pm. This was one of the first times my asthma really acted up in a long while. Overall, it was too physically demanding for a first job.
I feel that, in this span of time, I had become better than earlier. While not much had occurred up to September of 2016, I was working on bettering myself and finding more about what I wanted to do or involve myself in.
I started another job, this time at Jimmy John’s. It was an amazing experience. The people were nice, the atmosphere was good, I had a good time. I would’ve stayed there longer than I had, but the hours I was getting weren’t enough for me to be able to do anything. $230 every two weeks wasn’t working.
I started learning Esperanto more heavily and happened to come across a Reddit post discussing an Esperanto top-level domain. A top-level domain for Esperanto would be highly unlikely, given ICANN’s requirements, but a different idea crossed my mind.
That idea would become Retejo.me (don’t go there, nothing exists), a web hosting organization (it wasn’t really a company) involving myself, the person behind that Reddit post, Bryce, who ended up becoming a close friend, and a trusted moderator of /r/Esperanto, who would also become a close friend, Jared. The main force creating our friendship was the fact we all happened to be Christian and Esperantists, which seemed awfully ironic. I did the main business work, the web design, and the code behind it. Bryce would play the role of “public relations” in a sense, and Jared did our graphic work.
I’m proud of the project (code-wise). It the first project where I made a proper user system, API, and proper backend. Although this project ended up failing, due to a variety of reasons, it would be a lie for me to say that I didn’t have fun doing it. That and the friendships created made it more than worthwhile.
2017 started out… okay-ish. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t bad, it was just in the middle. My depression came around a bit often, and it took me away from my Christian faith. I took refuge in the only thing I knew and that was Buddhism. I was Buddhist for a 2 month span, rejoining the Christian fold late February. Reflecting on it, I lost myself in that time. I returned to seclusion mode, ceased talk with a great amount of my internet friends, and just hid from the world. Only did it take Jared to let me hang around a Christian Discord we founded, for me to seriously contemplate why I left. I received no solution for the problems I faced. Rather, embraced and reassured that everything was going to be okay.
Life As Of Now
To be determined.